New Black Ops Zombies - Kino Der Toten Strategy Guide

New Black Ops Zombies - Kino Der Toten Strategy Guide

I haven't seen many good strategies for Kino Der Toten so I thought I'd write one of my own. I may as well, seen as how I'm the ultimate zombie/bone sucker - slayer, and unrivaled at the game. That's right. Don't be thinking I'm not. That'll be your first mistake.
Your second mistake will be thinking you're not going to be needing any munch/food/drinks to help you through the game. I swear, it's like a goddamn marathon playing on Kino der toten. Like you didn't know that already. Anyway, where was I? Oh yea! You need food so go and get a large bowl of cheesy wotsits and a 2 litre bottle of coke. Stop thinking you're fat, you're not. You're just fat boned.
OK, grab a handful of cheesy wotsits and cram as many as you can in your pie hole. Now join a new lobby on the game. If you have a mic, Don't tell anyone in the room you're eating cheesy wotsits or they'll call you a 'fatty bum bum'.
Once the game begins, your eyes will be veering towards the bowl of cheesy wotsits. Please, Just don't. Now, as soon as the first zombies start to come at you, look into their eyes. That's right, become the zombie. Think how he thinks. Feel how he feels. Do you know what you look like to him? That's right, A huge cheesy wotsit.
Stop shaking. I know.
How you are viewing your cheesy wotsits right now is the reason why he is drooling. He wants his cheesy delight, too. You have to become stronger now, rise above being his crispy, cheesy - based snack, and get ready to put some holes in his half melted face with your pistol.
Shoot the first few zombies only a couple of times each. Let them make their way to the boarded window. Now, here's where you have a surprise for them. As they start pulling boards off the window like an old drunk man trying to get the biscuits out of a cupboard., simply step forward, and knife them in the face. One or two of them might look at you like you just hit them with a light pillow-case, but hit them again until they realize they are re-dead.
Keep going until you reach round five. Grab a handful of cheesy wotsits, and open the bottle of coke. Take a swig leaving little cheesy wotsit grease crumbs around the lid, and then make your way up the stairs in the lobby. Open the first door and shout to everyone over the mic while your mouth is full of squashed cheesy crisps "Lethth go guys. I openeded the firththththt *spit... door.
Make your way through to the foyer room and get the MP40 off the wall. All you need to worry about in this room is (apart from having enough cheesy wotsits) guarding the top staircase and keeping the dressing room door shut. Three players guards the upstairs and one guards the bottom two windows.
Keep going until round 15 - 20 and keep licking your fingers and wiping them on your little brothers top, or your curtains so the cheesy wotsit crumbs don't get all over your controller and get all sticky, and then you'll be like "for god sake man me damn controller keeps sticking. MuuuuuM"
Now open the dressing room door in the foyer. When you enter you'll notice a very large, stained jockstrap hanging on a peg on the wall to the right. Ignore it. Walk through and open the door to the theatre stage.
Grab a quick swig of coke and do a belch in your little brother's ear. Now, go and buy the Claymores off the back wall and lay them around the theatre stage. I know you have a bad back, but just do it. If you haven't found the mystery box yet then do a little Poo in your pants because it's going to get tough.
Make one person go and stand at the back of the stage to guard the boarded window. Three players guard the main door and side boarded window. All go for head shots. Just pretend each zombie's head is a breast, really picture it, and you'll hit it every time.
When you think the zombies are getting too close, get a crawler zombie; You get a crawler by throwing a grenade on the ground near a zombie, blowing its legs off it.
Turn the power on and waddle through the theatre to buy a juggernog drink. While having your juggernog, take a big swig of coke so you end up doing a weird hiccup/burp thing you can't stop. Then go and turn the power on to the teleport in the lobby.
Keep going around the map and using the teleport twice each round. Build zombie trains on the stage. Don't use all your credits/points on upgrades and electric fences. Get the laser gun, cannon, and use automatic weapons as opposed to shotguns.
If everything goes well you'll be able to reach rounds 50+ using my tips. If everything goes badly, then this time tomorrow, somewhere, a zombie will be pooping you out in a dark alley way and you'll come out like the consistency of someone squeezing a tube of toothpaste.

Don't become zombie poo paste. Survive!! Here's to you. Here's to cheesy wotsits. Here's to black ops zombies, and here's to my other (more serious)